he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He did a backflip because drugs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
