What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you would pick up someone in the library
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
