if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
