my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
