OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
