idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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