Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
