Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
