At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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