I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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