The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
