Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
