She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Randomize
