Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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