one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
