No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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