So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the day after is always just damage control
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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