Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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