oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't turn off my feet"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
