You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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