I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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