I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
