sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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