3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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