She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Green mimosas i think yes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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