hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
