Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
