I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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