i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
