my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
