Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
