Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize