let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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