On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
