if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Enjoy the penises
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
