im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
