Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
