ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
