if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
