you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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