well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
