I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
