I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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