I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
