You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
