speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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