1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
