I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
