I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
