Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
