WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sober January is a disaster.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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