I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
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