He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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