Yo dont text me then not text me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
