Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
