Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
