He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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