Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
