btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
