I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so let's talk penis.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
