You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
