Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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