Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
