I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
